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The Many UNEXPECTED BENEFITS of a Homeschool Co-op {One: BRATS and BULLIES}

July 29, 2019 by Katherine Wolfe 29 Comments

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Participating in a co-op is a hotly debated topic within the homeschool community and for good reason. It would seem that there are as many different styles of co-ops as there are curricula choices. Some are ultra-selective with strict rules and guidelines. Some are uber loose with barely a plan in place. Some are taught by nothing other than moms while others use paid professionals to teach classes. Some are taught in homes and others rent out classrooms. As the details vary, the pros and cons will too. 

But, this series, The Many Unexpected Benefits of a Homeschool Co-Op, goes beyond those differences and finds some of the unifying and unexpected benefits of homeschool co-ops. 

If  you are trying to decide whether to participate in a homeschool co-op this year and have been diligently making a list of pros/cons, don’t forget my favorite, yet rarely discussed, unexpected benefit of participating in a co-op:

EXPOSING YOUR KIDS to BRATS and BULLIES!

I know this sounds extreme but think about it.

As homeschool parents, we get to pick and choose nearly every aspect of our kids’ lives.

Where they go.

When they play.

What they learn.  

With whom they hang.

And, as the loving, supportive parents that we are, we try to always make the best choices for them.

We feed them healthy snacks.

We cater to their learning styles.

We keep them in safe environments.

We arrange playdates with kind, respectful kids.

But, as much as we may want to create a perfect world for our babes, we can’t.  But, more importantly, we shouldn’t.  Why? Because real life isn’t perfect. Without robbing them of a happy childhood or scarring them for life, I think it’s imperative that our kids understand that life is not perfect. 

It’s not perfect when they are nine years old and it won’t be perfect when they are twenty-nine. Not only are they are imperfect themselves, their lives will forever be filled with various imperfections. 

And one of life’s most prominent and persistent imperfections is people.

Untrustworthy people.

Annoying people.

Ignorant people.

Hurtful people.

Selfish people.

Rude people.

Do we want  our kids to experience anything other than wonderful, loving, supportive people? No, of course not.

But, are they going to experience bad people, despite our best wishes and fiercest intentions? Yes, for sure. 

So, they  might as well be introduced first to these types of people under our direct supervision and loving control. 

Blessedly, our babes don’t need to experience BRATS and BULLIES in the public school classroom or, worse yet, on the playground with overworked teachers and underpaid playground supervisors. 

Our kids can experience the BRATS and BULLIES of the world with their fiercest defenders at their sides…us!

What better way to first expose our kids to the BRATS and BULLIES of the world than with  us observing the interactions, guiding their responses and protecting the results? 

I’ll admit that the first time our son experienced his first BRAT at co-op, I was sad. We were new to town and excited to make friends at co-op. Unfortunately, it turned out that there was a real BRAT in his co-op class. Ya know, the kid who is rude to both adults and kids, makes everything a competition and then pouts when he doesn’t get his way.

As disheartening as that was, I was glad I was there to watch the BRAT emerge and observe my child’s reaction. We were then able to discuss the situation after and formulate a plan for future encounters. We remained in that co-op but we did not seek any sort of friendship outside with that particular child. My child learned that not every kid in his class models good behavior and is friend material. As simple as this lesson sounds, my sweet, loving kid had never met a peer that he did not consider an instant friend until this situation arose.

And a few years later when he encountered his first BULLY at co-op, I was simultaneously very angry about this kid’s behavior and strangely peaceful about it too. This kid was an emotional bully who belittled my child by creating an “inner circle” of cool kids and purposely excluding my son from interactions. This kid was definitely the Alpha of the entire group and all of the boys wanted to be his friends, including my son. Sadly.

My son tried for weeks. And was rejected each time. He wasn’t the only one on the outside of the BULLY’S inner circle. There were others on the receiving end of the “just kidding” jokes and shunned looks. There were others not invited to the birthday parties and left out of the secret handshakes. But because this BULLY was also smart, he behaved when most adults were watching, which meant my son was sometimes accepted into the group but then figuratively kicked out again when the BULLY thought no adult eyes were on him. 

But I was watching. After all, that’s my job and since I was at Co-Op with my son, I was able to watch! I watched it all take place and then I gently discussed it with my son after co-op each week. It took loads of rejections, lots of prayer, too many tears and countless discussions for my son to decide on his own that he didn’t want to be friends with the BULLY anyhow. He decided that the BULLY was not somebody worth the angst and agony he had caused week in and week out. He came to this conclusion on his own. And once he did, he was happy. He was free to pursue other friendships at co-op. He broke down the social order that the BULLY tried so hard to force on everybody by simple saying, “Nope! Not gonna play that dumb game.” 

And I could not have been more proud of my son, and grateful to that BULLY.

Why? Because he taught my kid a very valuable lesson at a young age

A lesson that many public school kids struggle to realize is being forced on them every day in the classroom and on the playground.  But one of which the teachers simply don’t have the time to be aware.  And, by the time these kids get home from school, they’re too exhausted and numb from trying to handle life on their own. It’s not even that they choose not to discuss their feelings with their parents; they don’t have the maturity to understand that something needs to be discussed. 

Thanks to that BULLY, my son learned a lesson at nine that some adults still have not learned. 

Because, let’s face it,  life is filled with BRATS and BULLIES. At work, In college. Next door. Even at church. Sadly, even in our own extended families. 

No matter the path your child will take as he meanders into adulthood, he is going to encounter both BRATS and BULLIES. Participating in a homeschool co-op could very well equip him to be ready to handle those issues with confidence and grace.


Click here for the next installment in this series, The Many Unexpected Benefits of a Homeschool Co-op: FAILURES and FRUSTRATIONS


Want some help teaching your kids how to identify and be a good friend? Check out my Friendship and Virtues Lesson Plan Pack! It’s PERFECT for a Co-Op class!


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Filed Under: Co-op, SUGGESTIONS Tagged With: Benefits of Homeschool Co-Op, Co-ops, Homeschool, Homeschool co-ops, life lessons, Socialization

Comments

  1. Kristi says

    July 29, 2019 at 10:03 pm

    My kids loved going to homeschool co-op. I can see in their interactions with other kids outside of homeschooling that they’ve learned to deal with all kinds of other people.

    Reply
    • Katherine Wolfe says

      July 31, 2019 at 1:53 pm

      That’s a great testimony. Thanks for sharing!

      Reply
  2. Jo says

    July 30, 2019 at 9:21 am

    What a great post! We don’t have kids but I think, if we did, we’d have the same approach as you seem to take here: prepare them for as much of the “real world” as you can even while still protecting them to the extent that you can!

    Reply
    • Katherine Wolfe says

      July 31, 2019 at 1:52 pm

      Parenting is a touch balancing act for sure!

      Reply
  3. jen says

    July 30, 2019 at 1:05 pm

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE this! Yes! We have to expose our kiddos to all kinds of folks because THAT is life and they need to learn coping skills.

    Reply
    • Katherine Wolfe says

      July 31, 2019 at 1:52 pm

      Thanks! Yep, those coping skills are KEY!

      Reply
  4. Kathy Phillips says

    July 30, 2019 at 1:37 pm

    That is so true I always want to protect my daughter from the world. Now that she is in high school. There is a variety of kids. She goes to a public high school and when things happen we discuss it later. She has always stayed away from the drama. She always talks about how much drama there is in high school and she stays away from it. But she witnesses how kids and adults can be.

    Reply
    • Katherine Wolfe says

      July 31, 2019 at 1:51 pm

      That’s great that she stays away from it. It was baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad when I was in high school. I can’t even imagine what it’s like now!

      Reply
  5. Jamie says

    July 30, 2019 at 2:54 pm

    What a great post. Thank you for sharing your experience. Facing and experiencing brats and bullies, as hard as that can be at times, can be a great learning time too. Glad you and your son came out on top with his experiences.

    Reply
    • Katherine Wolfe says

      July 31, 2019 at 1:50 pm

      Thanks! Me too.

      Reply
  6. Elizabeth says

    July 30, 2019 at 8:14 pm

    Yes! So much truth! Homeschooling can be hard because it’s easy to just stay home all the time. But it’s so important to expose them to the realities of other people! We’ve been considering homeschooling for a while now and I think we’ll be starting it next year!

    Reply
    • Katherine Wolfe says

      July 31, 2019 at 1:50 pm

      Oh, I hope you do! It is a wonderful blessing to be able to educate our kids.

      Reply
  7. Kyndall Bennett says

    July 30, 2019 at 8:20 pm

    That is probably one of the most important lessons anyone can learn at any age! Both in the military and in college, I saw good people trying to fit in with the wrong crowd then drift away from the people that actually truly cared for them in the first place. I’m so grateful that your son was able to learn this lesson at such a young age! ❤

    Reply
    • Katherine Wolfe says

      July 31, 2019 at 1:49 pm

      It was hard to watch but I’m so grateful I was there to help him through it.

      Reply
  8. Nicole says

    July 30, 2019 at 8:22 pm

    My kids are not homeschooled, I can definitely see the negatives and positives!

    Reply
    • Katherine Wolfe says

      July 31, 2019 at 1:48 pm

      Oh, for sure! There are negatives too….that article is coming soon! 😉

      Reply
  9. Stacey Kyle says

    July 30, 2019 at 10:16 pm

    Thanks for sharing this! Yes, a lot of people homeschool to avoid the problems brought about by other people’s children. But you can’t keep your kids locked away forever. Socialization is important. Great article!

    Reply
    • Katherine Wolfe says

      July 31, 2019 at 1:48 pm

      Thanks!

      Reply
  10. Leigh Ann says

    July 30, 2019 at 11:29 pm

    You are so right that we can’t protect our kids from all aspects of a full life. Guiding them through the tough parts is what we need to do.

    Reply
    • Katherine Wolfe says

      July 31, 2019 at 1:47 pm

      Yep! As much as we just want to AVOID things like brats and bullies, I don’t think we should try to do that fully.

      Reply
  11. Lisa says

    July 31, 2019 at 3:54 pm

    Great post! My daughter was homeschooled when we lived in Alaska and did not have co-op available. Thank you for sharing this amazing post.

    Reply
    • Katherine Wolfe says

      August 7, 2019 at 10:04 am

      Thanks! I’m sure that was extra hard to be without a group. Is she still homeschooling?

      Reply
  12. Mama Writes Reviews says

    July 31, 2019 at 7:54 pm

    I’ve wondered about co-ops. We opted to do public school due to my oldest’s autism and suspected ADHD.

    Reply
  13. Kate says

    August 1, 2019 at 7:01 am

    What an interesting perspective! We did a preschool homeschool co-op one year, and I have to admit, we definitely encountered some behaviors we took the time to learn from, rather than participating in!

    Reply
  14. Devon Bernthal says

    August 1, 2019 at 2:35 pm

    I was home-schooled in fifth grade and we belonged to a co-op. It think it added great value to my education.

    Reply
  15. Msddah says

    August 1, 2019 at 2:37 pm

    Such great and informative article. I will be sure to share with my friends with kids!

    Reply
  16. Jennifer Maune says

    August 1, 2019 at 11:48 pm

    This is a great post. Yes, as much as we wouldn’t necessarily want our kids exposed to “those” kids, it is so important! We can’t teach them how to deal with them if they don’t have the experience.

    -Jennifer

    Reply

Trackbacks

  1. The Many UNEXPECTED BENEFITS of a Homeschool Co-op {Two: FAILURES and FRUSTRATIONS} | The Wolfe Pack {Reviews~Support~Opinions for the Discerning Homeschool Mom} says:
    June 28, 2020 at 2:05 pm

    […] The Many Unexpected Benefits of a Homeschool Co-op: BRATS and BULLIES […]

    Reply
  2. The Many Unexpected Benefits of a Homeschool Co-Op {Three: SWEARWORDS and INAPPROPRIATE SLANG} | The Wolfe Pack {Reviews~Support~Opinions for the Discerning Homeschool Mom} says:
    June 28, 2020 at 8:31 pm

    […] BRATS and BULLIES […]

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