The Wolfe Pack {Reviews~Support~Opinions for the Discerning Homeschool Mom}

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Why Good Readers Can Be Bad Spellers

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I’m going to brag on my son for a second. But, don’t worry, it won’t last long because I will also admit an utterly embarrassing fail on my part as his mother. 

My son was reading at four years old. He was sounding out letters and CVC words at three and full on reading short chapter books at four.

There, that’s the bragging part. I told you it would be short. 

To say I was proud of him would be a bit of an  understatement.

To say I took his ability to read so early and mistook it for being an unusually intelligent and amazingly skilled child would be a MAJOR understatement.  

Seriously, as a mom, I was proud. As a certified teacher with a MAEd and  ten years of teaching First Graders to read, I was downright giddy.

And, for reasons I still cannot explain, I transferred that skill to ALL subjects and assumed he’d breeze through school and graduate with a PhD at the age of 12. 

Turns out, he was just a natural reader. He had an interest in letters and all things literacy from very early on. As soon as I noticed this about him, I definitely honed in on his interest with loads of books, games and activities. 

But all I was doing was adding to his own natural interest in and  “gift” for understanding the written word. I really didn’t do much. 

I cannot explain how he learned to read like he did. It just came naturally to him. 

But, guess what did NOT come naturally to him? 

SPELLING! 

Yeah. 

Like I said, when he was reading so easily at such an early age, I assumed all subjects would come easily for him.

{MATH was/is the worst subject….but this is a post about literacy so I’ve saved our looooooooooooooong math journey for another post, The Best Math Program for Kids Who Hate Math.}

But, boy, oh boy, was I wrong. 

He could read, read, read. And he could retain what he read. So, he excelled in several subjects and just soaked up history, Bible, science and literature as easily as he breathed air. 

But spelling?

Oh my gosh. Oh goodness gracious. The kid could not spell to save his life. At all. 

After loads of frustrations and lots of tears from both of us, it finally dawned on me what the issue was. 

I’m not kidding. It took YEARS for me to put this together. Did I mention that I was a certified teacher? Yeah. And I have a Masters in Education? Yup. 

But it took what seemed like forever for me to make the connection as to why a naturally good reader could be a horrible speller. 

But here it is….

Reading is the process of decoding words.

Decoding is just a fancy way of saying “how we apply what we know about letter sounds and  language patterns to figure out what words say.” 

Decoding is how we read. 

A more official definition would be: “Decoding is the ability to apply your knowledge of letter-sound relationships, including knowledge of letter patterns, to correctly pronounce written words. Understanding these relationships gives children the ability to recognize familiar words quickly and to figure out words they haven’t seen before.” 

So, my son could decode easily and,  more or less, instantly while looking at a word. 

What he could not do, apparently, was ENCODE. 

Encoding is the opposite of decoding. 

Encoding is using sounds to build and write words. 

Encoding is how we spell. 

And my son could not ENCODE. 

Why? Because he really had not mastered all of the letter/sound relationships. 

As soon as I saw how easily he could read, I ditched any plans to teach him to read. We just read and read and read. He read on his own. He read to me. We read together. I read to him.

{Side note: don’t EVER stop reading to your kids! They need that for several reasons.}

What we didn’t do was work on letter sounds, chunks, diphthongs, etc.

Why would we? He could read already!

Why would we? Because apparently you need those sounds to be able to spell! 

So, there. That’s my short brag and my embarrassing fail.

Now, let me tell you what we did to teach him to spell. 

We used All About Spelling. 

“Developed for busy parents, teachers, and tutors, All About Spelling is a scripted, open-and-go program that teaches spelling in the most effective way possible.”

We started at the beginning of their program with Level One {even though my son was a Fourth Grader at the time} and worked our way through. 

All About Spelling took us step by step through the individual letter sounds, phonograms, blends, spelling rules, open/closed/ r-controlled syllable types and so much more. 

All About Spelling taught my son how to spell. 

I won’t lie and say he is now an amazing speller because he’s not. 

Spelling simply does not come natural to him. He has to work at it.

But, now that we have been through the seven levels of All About Spelling, he has the knowledge of how to spell correctly, which he does. 

Most of the time anyway. 

If you are at all interested in All About Spelling or are already a current user, check out the giveaway below!

This giveaway has been sponsored by All About Learning Press. All About Learning is a fantastic program that prides itself on taking the struggle(s) out of reading and spelling for both parents and children. Want to learn more about their program? This free e-book will give you a glimpse into the proven strategies that make All About Reading and All About Spelling so successful!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Giveaway ends on August 23rd, 2020 at 11:59 pm ET. Participants must meet the following requirements to be eligible to receive a prize(s); be at least 18 years of age, and be a resident of the U.S. or Canada. Selected winners will have 48 hours to respond to email notification to claim their prizes or another winner will be drawn. By entering this giveaway, you agree to be added to the email lists of the participating bloggers (see the Terms & Conditions on the entry form for the complete list).

HOMESCHOOLING in KANSAS: the Basics

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{The term “homeschooling” has been a hotly debated topic for years and is even more so today. This article is not to debate what equates to “homeschooling” but to help define WHAT you want for your kids and HOW to get it.}

If you are in Kansas and thinking about homeschooling your kids this year, there are a few things you need to consider.

But, more importantly, you first need to understand the basics of the process.

Before all of this crazy COVID chaos, it was a lot easier to dissect the different homeschooling concepts but things have gotten rather murky with dozens of terms that seem to mean the same thing:

Distance Learning

On-line Options

Public-school at Home

Charter Crossovers

Hyrbid Schooling

Virtual Classroom

and more…..

But if you find yourself wanting to keep your kids at home for school, no matter which term is being used, you need to understand the basics. And the best way to understand the basics is to ask yourself a series of questions. 

The first question you need to ask yourself is:

Do I want to school at home WITH the help of my LOCAL SCHOOL DISTRICT?

If you want to keep your local district involved, then that’s where you need to go to get started. There are as many different virtual/distance learning/hybrid plans from the districts as there are districts in the state. So, if that’s what you want, you need to seek them out for help. Only they can help you with the details. 

But if you want to cut ties with the local district and not take part in what they are offering as an alternative to coming into the classroom, the next question you need to ask yourself is:

Do I want to partake in the free PUBLIC SCHOOL AT HOME option that is offered through the STATE OF KANSAS?

This has been available for years and you’ve probably seen it advertised on TV {K12 and Kansas Connections Academy are two I see most frequently.} This is free and available to any kids in the state of Kansas. You can head here or here to check out some options. This route will remove you from your district but keep you in the Kansas State Department of Education’s realm. There are a few “schools” from which you can choose. They provide the curriculum and, at least some, provide laptops for you to complete their curriculum. If that’s the route you want to take, check out those links. They will send you loads of information on how to get started. I personally know some families that have had great success with this route and I can put you in touch with a few if you’d like. Just let me know. 

But, if you said “no” to those two questions above, your final question is this:

Do I want to HOMESCHOOL WITHOUT ANY CONNECTION to the public school system?

If your answer to that is “yes,” then these are the steps you need to take:

STEP ONE: UNDERSTAND that the state of  Kansas does not officially recognize “homeschooling” as an option. No worries, though. They just call us “non-accredited private schools.” It’s totally legal and any competent adult can do it {seriously, that’s how they define who can teach your kids….”competent adult.”} You can find more info from KSDE here and you can read the statues here. 

STEP TWO: REGISTER with the Kansas State Department of Education as a non-accredited private school. It might sound daunting but it’s super duper simple. Go here to get that done.  All you need is your name, your address and the name of your homeschool. That’s all. You don’t even need your kids’ names, ages or grades. When it asks for “custodian,” that’s you. And you only need to do it ONE TIME. You do not need to do this every year. I did it in 2011 and haven’t visited the site since. 

THREE: WITHDRAW your kids from their public schools {assuming they attended previously.} I know this sounds daunting too, but it’s NOT! And don’t let the district bigwigs or local school secretaries freak you out. Just do it. Here is an example of a good withdrawal letter. You do not need to tell them anything else.  You can go here to see what you do and DO NOT need to tell the local school. Just withdraw your kids and move on. You are 100% within your legal rights to educate your kids at home in the state of Kansas {and every state for that matter.} 

FOUR: KNOW the requirements. Thankfully, in Kansas, the requirements are very few. No testing is required. No portfolio submissions needed. No curriculum approval process. No attendance is monitored. You can go here for an easy rundown on the requirements. But, believe me when I say it is very minimal. At the moment, in the state of Kansas, homeschoolers have a lot of freedom and luxury. It may not always be that way, but that’s the situation for now. 

FIVE: CHOOSE your curriculum. This is, by far, the most time-consuming step. And there is no way for anybody to tell you what will be right for your family. There are as many curriculum options as there are WalMarts in the country. Or more. This is where many families get overwhelmed and discouraged. The most important thing to remember is that whatever you choose to do, does NOT need to be forever. You can adjust as many times as you need to throughout the year. 

But, to get started, I would head over here and read about the learning styles of your kids. That will give you a good start and will, in the very least, help you eliminate several types of curricula.

I would also check out these two articles that discuss the various methods of homeschooling: How to Choose the Best Homeschool Teaching Method for Your Family and A Beginner’s Guide to Homeschooling. 

And this article offers a three step approach to deciding on curriculum and could really help you narrow things down. 

Another great resource is anything by Cathy Duffy. I have a couple of her books, which I loan out to potential homeschoolers all the time, but you can get a lot of her info online here {you can also buy her books there.} She has reviewed OODLES of homeschool curricula and does a great job of dividing things into helpful categories. She also outlines whether they are of a Christian, secular or neutral worldview. Using her resources should leave you with at least a few viable resources.

My last suggestion would be to reach out to both local homeschool groups and also national groups {which you can find plenty of online.} But, I would save that step for last. I’d arm myself with a wee bit of knowledge first and “arrive” in those groups with some specific questions. It’s really hard for veteran homeschoolers to answer “what’s the best way to homschool?” Why? Because, really, nobody can answer that but you…which, in truth, is the heart of homeschooling!

YOU GET TO DECIDE WHAT’S BEST FOR YOUR KIDS’ EDUCATION!

We know it takes a lot of time and energy to make the decisions necessary but, believe us, it will be worth it! 

The Best MATH PROGRAM for Kids {and Moms} Who HATE MATH

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{This post may contain affiliate links. Please read our Disclosure Policy for details.} 

The Best MATH PROGRAM for Kids {and Moms} Who HATE MATH

Math-U-See

Horizons Math

Life of Fred

Christian Light Education

Learn Math Fast

Math Lessons for a Living Education

You might be thinking this is a list of available homeschool math programs, and in a way,  you would be right. 

But, really, this is a list of math we have used in our homeschool.

And by used, I mean, actually used for a decent amount of time during a school year. 

And, the best part of this, is that all of them were for ONE KID. Yep, six different math programs for one kid.

He’s an only child and HE HATES MATH. 

He didn’t hate it from the very beginning when it involved counting blocks and tracing numbers. But as soon as it involved computing problems, even as simple as single digit addition, HE HATED IT. He could do it but HE HATED IT. 

And, the way he felt about math resulted in

TEARS,

FRUSTRATIONS and

more than a few whispered

SWEARWORDS

from me. 

As you probably know, if your child hates doing something, it’s really easy to start hating the experience of asking that child to do it. 

So, soon enough, I HATED MATH too. 

But, we all know math is necessary to learn so we didn’t give up. 

But, we did try out a whole bunch of math programs. 

We started with Math-U-See and stuck with that for a few years. It was great for its hands on blocks and visual number street concept. I also loved the way the pages were laid out with their spacious work areas. And, the fact that Steve Demme taught all of the lessons was helpful. But somewhere along the line, Steve started using a strategy that made no sense to me, which meant I could not help the kid with it, and since HE HATES MATH, he always needed my help. So, I decided to make a switch mid-year. 

We switched to Horizons Math. I thought the kid would like the colorful pages and that I would like the spiral approach. But, the pages were crammed with too many problems and for a kid who HATES MATH and is a messy writer, more space and a better layout were necessary. But, we finished out the school year with it and then tossed the half-used book into the trash. 

Next up was Life of Fred. I had heard so many great things about this unconventional program with its story approach and real-life applications. I decided we’d give it a go during the summer months. But, with its unusual approach, I figured we needed to start at the beginning. So we started with Apples….and didn’t get too far. Neither of us really enjoyed the stories; we found them weird. And, there was simply not enough practice to accompany the stories. So, that was the end of Fred. 

When the fall rolled around, I was searching for yet another math program.  A fellow homeschool mom suggested Christian Light Education. The small booklets were appealing to me and I thought would be less overwhelming to my son. So, we did the placement test, which resulted in him being more than a grade level behind. Though I didn’t like that fact, I knew it must be true. After all, HE HATES MATH and we were now on our fourth math program {in six years.} But, I swallowed my pride, and ordered the level that the placement test suggested. But, apparently, I did not swallow ALL of my pride, because I was determined to catch him up within that year. So, we doubled up on math. Yeah. For a kid who HATES MATH, that was a really dumb move on this mama’s part. But, he’s a compliant kid and did what I asked….with lots of frustration, tears and whispered swearwords. 

And we actually used CLE for a few levels. He was catching up, but still hating it, and then I was offered a full set of Learn Math Fast for free and I took it. It is promoted as a program that works for kids who don’t like math, find math difficult to grasp or need to catch up. That was surely a description of my kid so we gave it a go! But, it is very clearly designed to start with Volume One {they don’t use grade levels} and work through the rest of the volumes quickly {that’s the “fast” part of the title, I guess.} Well, it didn’t work. Their approach was totally different to what he had learned with the other eighty-two programs he had tried {okay, it was only five by this point, but it felt closer to eighty-two}, so that program was abandoned fairly quickly and the remainder of the set was passed on to another family. 

So, now we’re sitting a few months into a new school year and,  yet again, need another new math program. So, Math Lessons for a Living Education it was! The name alone promotes a concept of learning math from the perspective of using it in real life. And it had stories to go along with it. At this point, I was so tired of math, that I figured if he could just learn how to use it in real life, I’d be satisfied and we could move on with life. So, that’s what we did for seventh grade. And we both hated it. The stories seemed totally random and didn’t really incorporate math into real-life situations and they certainly didn’t lend itself to any type of excitement or anticipation about reading the next one. So, we finished one book of that during 7th Grade but I knew I needed to find something else for 8th Grade and beyond. 

And, then the kid announced his firm intention of being a zoologist when he grew up. And I knew that meant that I needed to make a very specific and rigorous plan for his High School science and math.

So, back to the drawing board I went. Or at least, I started to go. But then God took care of all of my math worries and woes by sending me on a quick and unexpected trip multiple states away close the end of  last summer.

While in California for a funeral, I stayed with my favorite auntie. This favorite auntie happens to be my ultimate role model for homeschooling. She homeschooled all of my cousins long before it was even legal to do so. And, in the end, she produced five well-adjusted, gainfully-employed, mathematically-literate adults. 

Why I hadn’t approached her about math before is beyond me. Maybe because it had been two decades since she had actually taught my cousins so I assumed she’d be out of touch with today’s programs? I don’t know. But, I should’ve known she’d have the perfect suggestion for us because, really, does math change? 

You can add manipulatives and color pictures. You can add DVDs, video streaming or live instructors. But, does the actual math really change? No. 

When I explained where my son was in math and where he needed to go, she immediately got up, walked into her garage and came back with the math book that all five of my cousins used in 8th Grade:

Saxon Algebra 1/2

I took that old, worn, hardbound book and opened it. On the inside cover I discovered the signatures of all my cousins and the dates they used the book. It made me think of when I was in school and had been assigned a textbook for the year. 

But beyond the sweet nostalgia of realizing that a second generation would be using that book, was the sudden “ah ha” moment of what my son needed. He just needed straightforward, simply presented normal math. 

So, I packed that book into my luggage with a newfound excitement for the upcoming school year. 

And then I got home and sat down to plan the lessons out and got overwhelmed.

It was straightforward all right. I knew it was what he needed to finally set a firm foundation in math and get him ready for the rigors of Algebra, Geometry and Calculus in high school. But, it was so straightforward that I knew he would need more than just the plainly written daily lessons for him to actually learn. And, now that we were dealing with the beginnings of advanced math concepts, I knew I could not teach it. 

And then God stepped in again. I wish I could recall exactly where I read about Nicole the Math Lady. I think it was in a FaceBook group for homeschoolers. But, I am not sure. But, no matter where it was, I am positive that God placed Nicole right there in my path for a very specific purpose. I had never ever heard of Nicole before. Ever. But, I will be forever grateful that I discovered her when I did. 

Nicole TEACHES Saxon math lessons to your kids. For a very low subscription fee, you can log into her videos and watch her go through EACH LESSON. She does it efficiently with nothing but a big whiteboard, some colored markers, total clarity and a sweet smile. 

It was like hiring a one-on-one private and highly qualified teacher to tackle the one subject that was hated in our house. 

The kid and I watched the daily lessons together {so I knew what he was supposed to be doing and could help him correct mistakes of his written assignments} and then he would do his daily assignment. Every day, Nicole saved the day in our home. I’m not kidding. I cannot adequately praise her approach or thank her enough for her lessons. 

After one year with Saxon and Nicole, my son is ready to take on Algebra for Ninth Grade! 

And, for once, it’s just the middle of the summer and we’ve already got Math all figured out: Saxon Algebra with Nicole the Math Lady. 

If you are interested in “hiring” Nicole the Math Lady, you can find the details by clicking on her name…just pick one of the 54 times I dropped it for you. Oh, heck, let’s make it a nice round 55 times because I LOVE Nicole!  And if you use the link attached to her name to sign up, you’ll even get a small discount!

The kid may never love math, but I know we will have much fewer tears, frustrations and swear words with this approach to math. 

And I know this approach will give him what is necessary to take the required science courses in high school. 

And I know this approach will have him all prepped and ready to roll for college in four years. 

The Many Unexpected Benefits of a Homeschool Co-Op {Three: SWEARWORDS and INAPPROPRIATE SLANG}

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Of all of the installments in our series, The Many Unexpected Benefits of a Homeschool Co-Op, this one, SWEARWORDS and INAPPROPRIATE SLANG, is probably the strangest. 

If you haven’t read the first two installments in the series, you can find them here:

BRATS and BULLIES

FAILURES and FRUSTRATIONS

But, SWEARWORDS and INAPPROPRIATE SLANG, is my favorite. 

And here’s why.

Our kids, as much as we might want to raise them in a protective bubble, are going to be exposed to things we’d prefer they never experienced,  including SWEARWORDS and INAPPROPRIATE SLANG. 

Whether they hear SWEARWORDS and INAPPROPRIATE SLANG 

on the TV, 

while out shopping,

in line at the movie theater,

from the neighborhood children,

at your favorite family restaurant or

during Thanksgiving dinner {thanks to Uncle Bob,}

the fact remains, they are going to hear it. 

For example, my son, when he was about eight-years-old, participated in an Auto Basics class where he was taught several cool car things by a co-op father who happened to be a truck driver. It was a GREAT class and I am very grateful that he was able to learn so many handy things from a professional. But, he also learned some EXTRA things too!

During the session where the father taught them how to change a tire, every student took turns loosening the nuts in order to remove the tire. The kid who was next in line was in charge of holding the nuts and then when it was his turn, he passed them to the person behind him to hold. 

If you can see where this is going, your knowledge of INAPPROPRIATE SLANG is far more advanced than my son’s was for sure, because every time one kid would pass the nuts to the next kid, he would say, “here, hold my nuts” and laughter would erupt from everybody BUT MY SON. The truck-driving father, not used to handling a bunch of kids and with his head beneath the car the entire time, didn’t even notice the joke or the laughter. The moms on duty, on the other hand, did and put a stop to it as best they could. 

Then, after the class was over and we were headed home, my son asked me what had been so funny. So, I explained what the kids were referring to, that it’s really not a polite term to use and that if he had more questions, he could ask his father {I figured he could do a better job on the topic.}

Later that night, the wife of the truck driver called me and apologized for what happened {less for the fact that her husband missed the issue and more for the fact that her son was one of the kids involved.} Though I appreciated the phone call, I explained that there was nothing to apologize over. I was glad the situation had occurred just as it did. Why?

Because, in all honesty, I don’t want my kid to be the one in the college dorm bathroom not understanding some hallmate’s INAPPROPRIATE SLANG reference to his genitalia. Seriously. I’d rather he have learned it at 8 than 18. AND, more importantly,  I’m glad he learned it while I was standing there so I could explain things more appropriately in private. 

Let me give you another example. This occurred with the same group of boys, but this time my precious son was the offender.

During a rowdy version of a review game in his history co-op class, when my son lost to be buzzer in a 1:1 match, he actually called his opponent a bastard!

I’m not kidding. He was eleven at the time. And he called one of his friends a bastard. And he did it in front of 15 kids, three other moms and myself. Um, yeah. Bastard. 

Turns out, he learned the word from a Marvel movie {thanks, Thor}. He knew that it was to be used in reference to when your enemy beat you but didn’t have a clue that it was not to be repeated. I’m not sure if there were kids present who didn’t know the word already, but if there were, they can thank our co-op for the extra bit of education that day. 

And you can be sure that I was the one making apology phone calls later that night. 

I’m a list-maker and curriculum-junkie so I LOVE to plan out our lessons, including life lessons like cooking, sewing, banking, cleaning, etc. But, believe me when I say, SWEARWORDS and INAPPROPRIATE SLANG is NOT something I’ve planned out and written lesson plans for. So, if our son is going to learn {OR USE} them anywhere, our homeschool co-op is my preferred place. 

I have loads of examples but don’t really want to list them here in black and white {and green.} Plus some of what we consider inappropriate, others don’t {crap, for example}. But, that just makes my point all the more valid. 

When learning what is socially appropriate and acceptable, I’m really glad our son has been able to do that in the comfort and safety of our homeschool co-op. Because what better way to stumble {or watch others do the same} than with protective mamas standing there making sure things don’t get out of hand and who can address things more in-depth at home?

So, as bizarre as it sounds, maybe your family needs to join a homeschool co-op, so your kids can learn all the latest SWEARWORDS and INAPPROPRIATE SLANG?

Want some help teaching your kids how to identify and be a good friend? Check out my Friendship and Virtues Lesson Plan Pack! It’s PERFECT for a Co-Op class!

The Many UNEXPECTED BENEFITS of a Homeschool Co-op {Two: FAILURES and FRUSTRATIONS}

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Both veteran and novice homeschoolers often wonder if a co-op is the right choice for their families. The topic is hotly debated in homeschool groups and within local communities.  It can even cause strife among friends and family members. But just like the decision to homeschool or not, the decision to participate in a co-op can only be made by each individual family.

Are you trying to decide whether to participate in a homeschool co-op? If so, this series is perfect for you! 

The Many Unexpected Benefits of a Homeschool Co-Op  explores the not-so-often discussed benefits that your family can gain by participating in a homeschool co-op. 

This installment of the series, 

FACING FAILURES and FRUSTRATIONS with YOUR KIDS, 

speaks to how a homeschool co-op can force us, as parents, to put our kids in situations that cause frustrations and feelings of failure. 

You’re probably wondering why I would suggest we do such a thing?

Why should we put our kids into situations that cause frustrations and feelings of failure?

Let me explain…

If you haven’t read the first installment in the series, you can find it here:

The Many Unexpected Benefits of a Homeschool Co-op: BRATS and BULLIES

 

As a parent, it is so easy to

indulge, 

coddle, 

cater to,

oblige, 

enable,

and even

spoil our kids.

Few of us will readily admit that we do this but we all know how easy it is to do!

We fix the food they like. 

We purchase clothes they will wear. 

We don’t force them to watch movies or read books they find scary.

We let them pick and choose in which sports/activities to participate.

And as homeschool parents, the opportunities to indulge, coddle, cater to, enable and spoil our kids are multiplied several times over.

We teach to their style.

We choose topics they like.

We allow them to work on the sofa.  

We let them wear pajamas all day long. 

We speed lessons up when the topic is easy.

We slow lessons down when they are struggling.

And, if they have a tantrum over math, we stop school for the day.

And then we make cookies together. 

And, why wouldn’t we? I mean, if we have the flexibility to allow our kids to experience the loveliest of days as often as possible, shouldn’t we?

I dare to say that probably many of us homeschool BECAUSE we want to create as many happy, peaceful, productive days for our kids as possible. 

But, as much as we may want to make their days as pleasant as possible, we cannot shield them from experiencing any unpleasantness at all. 

We just can’t. 

And, really,  we shouldn’t. 

Why? Because real life isn’t always pleasant and they need to know how to recognize, accept and respond to life’s unpleasant experiences. 

And FAILURES and FRUSTRATIONS are two of those unpleasant experiences that will occur throughout their lives.

And since our entire goal of parents should be to equip our kids with the necessary skills to live fulfilling, God-glorifying lives, we need to help them learn how to handle these frustrations now. 

So, why not create situations for them where they actually have to face FAILURES and FRUSTRATIONS with us  literally standing in their corners?

And the local homeschool co-op could be the perfect opportunity to do just that!

We were part of a local co-op for several years and during those years, we encountered

BRATS and BULLIES,

MAYHEM and MESSINESS, 

SEX TALK and SWEARWORDS,

and myriad of other life experiences.

And one of those others experiences that we encountered multiple times were feelings of FAILURE and FRUSTRATION. 

I’ll admit that the first time our son faced a FRUSTRATING experience at co-op {having to team up with an older, opinionated girl for an art activity,} I was tempted to swoop in and save the day. But, before I could make that mistake, his co-op teacher handled the situation by assessing the issue, encouraging communication and then closely monitoring that things were fine {and they were.}

And then, over the next few days,  my son and I talked about the experience and what had caused his FRUSTRATION. Because I was there to witness it, I was able to discuss it with him. He was able to explain that he hadn’t wanted to work with her because she’s “older, opinionated and a better artist” so he assumed he would have no say in the details of the project and, as is typical of young kids, he got FRUSTRATED before even giving the girl a chance. 

As hard as it was to watch his little five-year-old face furrow into an unhappy form with tears welling up, I am glad he had that FRUSTRATING experience at co-op. Why? Because it allowed him to learn something new about himself, his peers and life. I could not have created those same unequal collaborative circumstances for him at home. But our homeschool co-op certainly did!

And the FRUSTRATING experiences did not stop at that first one. There were many times he got FRUSTRATED over with which kids he had to work, for which assignments he was chosen,  how long he had to wait until his raised hand was recognized….but each one of those experiences allowed him the opportunity to grow and learn about himself and life in general. 

And when he experienced his first FAILURE at co-op {not being able to cut out several teeny tiny pieces for a music-themed lapbook,} I mostly wanted to {not-so-gently} tell the teacher who had planned the lesson that she had overestimated the scissor skills of her students. But, then I noticed that all of my son’s peers were able to accomplish the task without issue so I was wrong. She hadn’t misjudged anything; apparently we needed more practice with the scissors at home. 

So, that’s what we did. We worked on his scissor skills so he didn’t feel like a FAILURE the next week when he had to cut out more annoyingly teeny tiny pieces for another lapbook. And, I am so glad we did because, he definitely needed to work on those skills. But, I know myself and my tendency to avoid situations like that at home. So, I know I would not have made him face his lacking scissor skills at home because

he doesn’t enjoy projects like that, 

it’s not his learning style, 

and I hate lapbooks. 

{Side note: Am I the only homeschool mom on the planet who detests lapbooks? I get the purpose of being multi-sensory and all that, but they just require so much time-consuming, detailed work for one very specific topic. And for what? Where do you store them? You can’t display them. It’s not like a simple book that can be read over and over again. And all of the glued on pieces eventually fall off anyhow and the entire thing ends up in the trash.}

Other feelings of FAILURE occurred when he couldn’t tie his shoes fast enough in a relay, his classmate could not decipher his handwriting and his team lost at a math game. But witnessing those FAILURES allowed me to recognize things on which we needed to work at home. Observing my son in another setting {other than schooling at home} allowed me to view his progress with different eyes. 

FRUSTRATIONS and FAILURES like these occur in public school classrooms a thousand times each day,  but by the time most kids get home from school at 4:30pm, they’ve probably forgotten WHY they ever felt irritated and yet their little brains and hearts are still trying to process things.  So, they don’t mention it to Mom and they don’t try to explain it to anybody. They just act out and Mom chalks it up to the kid being tired, hungry or, worse yet, just ill-behaved.

And they don’t stop as our kids get older. In fact, dare I say they get worse? As our little ones grow into tweens and teens, ALL OF their feelings get more complicated so it’s probably safe to say their feelings of FRUSTRATIONS and FAILURES get more complicated too. And, now it’s not just that they don’t know how to formulate words for their feelings, they may not WANT to even try {because they’re teens and that’s what teens tends to do.}

FRUSTRATIONS and FAILURES like these also occur

at work, 

in college classes,

on community boards, 

within Bible Studies at church,

anywhere that people need to work together.

So, whether we like it or not, our kids WILL experience many FRUSTRATIONS and FAILURES in their lifetimes,  and therefore, need to know how to recognize, accept and respond to life’s unpleasant experiences. And they cannot learn how to do those things if they don’t have the opportunity to experience them. 

And since they don’t have the opportunity to face these FRUSTRATIONS and FAILURES in the public school setting, perhaps a homeschool co-op is the right choice for your family?

Click here for the next installment in this series, The Many Unexpected Benefits of a Homeschool Co-op: SWEARWORDS and INAPPROPRIATE SLANG

Want some help teaching your kids how to identify and be a good friend? Check out my Friendship and Virtues Lesson Plan Pack! It’s PERFECT for a Co-Op class!