Both veteran and novice homeschoolers often wonder if a co-op is the right choice for their families. The topic is hotly debated in homeschool groups and within local communities. It can even cause strife among friends and family members. But just like the decision to homeschool or not, the decision to participate in a co-op can only be made by each individual family.
Are you trying to decide whether to participate in a homeschool co-op? If so, this series is perfect for you!
The Many Unexpected Benefits of a Homeschool Co-Op explores the not-so-often discussed benefits that your family can gain by participating in a homeschool co-op.
This installment of the series,
FACING FAILURES and FRUSTRATIONS with YOUR KIDS,
speaks to how a homeschool co-op can force us, as parents, to put our kids in situations that cause frustrations and feelings of failure.
You’re probably wondering why I would suggest we do such a thing?
Why should we put our kids into situations that cause frustrations and feelings of failure?
Let me explain…
If you haven’t read the first installment in the series, you can find it here:
The Many Unexpected Benefits of a Homeschool Co-op: BRATS and BULLIES
As a parent, it is so easy to
indulge,
coddle,
cater to,
oblige,
enable,
and even
spoil our kids.
Few of us will readily admit that we do this but we all know how easy it is to do!
We fix the food they like.
We purchase clothes they will wear.
We don’t force them to watch movies or read books they find scary.
We let them pick and choose in which sports/activities to participate.
And as homeschool parents, the opportunities to indulge, coddle, cater to, enable and spoil our kids are multiplied several times over.
We teach to their style.
We choose topics they like.
We allow them to work on the sofa.
We let them wear pajamas all day long.
We speed lessons up when the topic is easy.
We slow lessons down when they are struggling.
And, if they have a tantrum over math, we stop school for the day.
And then we make cookies together.
And, why wouldn’t we? I mean, if we have the flexibility to allow our kids to experience the loveliest of days as often as possible, shouldn’t we?
I dare to say that probably many of us homeschool BECAUSE we want to create as many happy, peaceful, productive days for our kids as possible.
But, as much as we may want to make their days as pleasant as possible, we cannot shield them from experiencing any unpleasantness at all.
We just can’t.
And, really, we shouldn’t.
Why? Because real life isn’t always pleasant and they need to know how to recognize, accept and respond to life’s unpleasant experiences.
And FAILURES and FRUSTRATIONS are two of those unpleasant experiences that will occur throughout their lives.
And since our entire goal of parents should be to equip our kids with the necessary skills to live fulfilling, God-glorifying lives, we need to help them learn how to handle these frustrations now.
So, why not create situations for them where they actually have to face FAILURES and FRUSTRATIONS with us literally standing in their corners?
And the local homeschool co-op could be the perfect opportunity to do just that!
We were part of a local co-op for several years and during those years, we encountered
MAYHEM and MESSINESS,
SEX TALK and SWEARWORDS,
and myriad of other life experiences.
And one of those others experiences that we encountered multiple times were feelings of FAILURE and FRUSTRATION.
I’ll admit that the first time our son faced a FRUSTRATING experience at co-op {having to team up with an older, opinionated girl for an art activity,} I was tempted to swoop in and save the day. But, before I could make that mistake, his co-op teacher handled the situation by assessing the issue, encouraging communication and then closely monitoring that things were fine {and they were.}
And then, over the next few days, my son and I talked about the experience and what had caused his FRUSTRATION. Because I was there to witness it, I was able to discuss it with him. He was able to explain that he hadn’t wanted to work with her because she’s “older, opinionated and a better artist” so he assumed he would have no say in the details of the project and, as is typical of young kids, he got FRUSTRATED before even giving the girl a chance.
As hard as it was to watch his little five-year-old face furrow into an unhappy form with tears welling up, I am glad he had that FRUSTRATING experience at co-op. Why? Because it allowed him to learn something new about himself, his peers and life. I could not have created those same unequal collaborative circumstances for him at home. But our homeschool co-op certainly did!
And the FRUSTRATING experiences did not stop at that first one. There were many times he got FRUSTRATED over with which kids he had to work, for which assignments he was chosen, how long he had to wait until his raised hand was recognized….but each one of those experiences allowed him the opportunity to grow and learn about himself and life in general.
And when he experienced his first FAILURE at co-op {not being able to cut out several teeny tiny pieces for a music-themed lapbook,} I mostly wanted to {not-so-gently} tell the teacher who had planned the lesson that she had overestimated the scissor skills of her students. But, then I noticed that all of my son’s peers were able to accomplish the task without issue so I was wrong. She hadn’t misjudged anything; apparently we needed more practice with the scissors at home.
So, that’s what we did. We worked on his scissor skills so he didn’t feel like a FAILURE the next week when he had to cut out more annoyingly teeny tiny pieces for another lapbook. And, I am so glad we did because, he definitely needed to work on those skills. But, I know myself and my tendency to avoid situations like that at home. So, I know I would not have made him face his lacking scissor skills at home because
he doesn’t enjoy projects like that,
it’s not his learning style,
and I hate lapbooks.
{Side note: Am I the only homeschool mom on the planet who detests lapbooks? I get the purpose of being multi-sensory and all that, but they just require so much time-consuming, detailed work for one very specific topic. And for what? Where do you store them? You can’t display them. It’s not like a simple book that can be read over and over again. And all of the glued on pieces eventually fall off anyhow and the entire thing ends up in the trash.}
Other feelings of FAILURE occurred when he couldn’t tie his shoes fast enough in a relay, his classmate could not decipher his handwriting and his team lost at a math game. But witnessing those FAILURES allowed me to recognize things on which we needed to work at home. Observing my son in another setting {other than schooling at home} allowed me to view his progress with different eyes.
FRUSTRATIONS and FAILURES like these occur in public school classrooms a thousand times each day, but by the time most kids get home from school at 4:30pm, they’ve probably forgotten WHY they ever felt irritated and yet their little brains and hearts are still trying to process things. So, they don’t mention it to Mom and they don’t try to explain it to anybody. They just act out and Mom chalks it up to the kid being tired, hungry or, worse yet, just ill-behaved.
And they don’t stop as our kids get older. In fact, dare I say they get worse? As our little ones grow into tweens and teens, ALL OF their feelings get more complicated so it’s probably safe to say their feelings of FRUSTRATIONS and FAILURES get more complicated too. And, now it’s not just that they don’t know how to formulate words for their feelings, they may not WANT to even try {because they’re teens and that’s what teens tends to do.}
FRUSTRATIONS and FAILURES like these also occur
at work,
in college classes,
on community boards,
within Bible Studies at church,
anywhere that people need to work together.
So, whether we like it or not, our kids WILL experience many FRUSTRATIONS and FAILURES in their lifetimes, and therefore, need to know how to recognize, accept and respond to life’s unpleasant experiences. And they cannot learn how to do those things if they don’t have the opportunity to experience them.
And since they don’t have the opportunity to face these FRUSTRATIONS and FAILURES in the public school setting, perhaps a homeschool co-op is the right choice for your family?
Click here for the next installment in this series, The Many Unexpected Benefits of a Homeschool Co-op: SWEARWORDS and INAPPROPRIATE SLANG
Want some help teaching your kids how to identify and be a good friend? Check out my Friendship and Virtues Lesson Plan Pack! It’s PERFECT for a Co-Op class!
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