The Wolfe Pack {Reviews~Support~Opinions for the Discerning Homeschool Mom}

providing the discerning homeschool mama with supoort on her journey

HOMESCHOOL MOMS Are Not the Same as CLASSROOM TEACHERS

by 38 Comments

I recently saw a poll in a big Face Book group for HOMESCHOOL MOMS that asked the question,  “If your church asked all TEACHERS to stand up and be recognized, would you stand up?” 

The answers varied, of course, {but the discussion stayed civil, thankfully} and it got me thinking, “would I?”

If my pastor asked the TEACHERS in the congregation to stand up and be recognized, would I stand up?

The answer is NOPE. I would not. I would stay seated and respectfully acknowledge all of the TEACHERS who stood. Why?

Because I don’t consider myself a TEACHER. 

I am a HOMESCHOOL MOM. 

And HOMESCHOOL MOMS are not the same as CLASSROOM TEACHERS.

I’m a mom who has decided to educate her child at home. Yes, I teach my child. But I am not a TEACHER in the way most people use the term. 

I’m not a TEACHER of other people’s kids. 

I’m not a TEACHER who is responsible for 30 kids at one time. 

I’m not a TEACHER who is mandated to teach specific subjects and utilize certain books. 

I’m not a TEACHER who answers to 30 sets of parents, one principal, a team of grade level peers, a full school board and the state.  

I’m not a TEACHER who is underpaid but still expected to provide a beautiful but calm, comfortable but exciting, gender-neutral, multi-cultural environment for my students. 

I’m not a TEACHER who is regulated in what she can say and how she can say it. 

I’m not a TEACHER anymore than a mom who uses homeopathic remedies at home is a doctor. 

I’m not a TEACHER anymore than a dad who arms himself at home is a police officer. 

I’m not a TEACHER anymore than a neighbor who rescues his family from a fire is a firefighter.

I’m just a mom who decided that it would be best to educate her son at home.

And I get to make that education look however my husband and I decide.

It’s an absolute privilege to do so and I feel blessed every day. 

Is it always easy? Of course not. 

Is it always fun? Ha. I wish. 

Is it worth it? Totally!

But, I am not a TEACHER. 

Let those men and women have their discounts.

Let them have their special appreciation weeks.

Let them flood their FB pages with requests for classroom donations. 

Let the community call them special.

Let the churches recognize them on certain days.

Let the public donate backpacks and pencil pouches. 

   HOMESCHOOL MOMS are not the same as CLASSROOM TEACHERS.

CLASSROOM TEACHERS are poorly paid, underappreciated, hard working individuals who deserve special recognition. 

And, yes,  so are HOMESCHOOL MOMS. We are special. We work hard. We are often underappreciated. And we’re certainly underpaid, ha ha. But we CHOOSE to do those things and be that person for our own families. That is an entirely different concept than a CLASSROOM TEACHER who is assigned 30 new kids each year from community families and is expected to provide a decent education with a small budget and a huge bureaucracy.

Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying CLASSROOM TEACHERS are worth more than HOMESCHOOL MOMS. And I am not saying the opposite. 

All, I am saying is that

 HOMESCHOOL MOMS are not the same as CLASSROOM TEACHERS.

Three MOST IMPORTANT Considerations to Help Decide Whether to HOMESCHOOL

by 14 Comments

Making the decision to homeschool is one of the biggest parenting decisions  you will ever make. Some women know long before they even meet their prospective spouses that they intend on homeschooling their future children while others send their kids to public school for four years and then on the eve of a new school year, feel drawn to keep her kids home. And many moms are somewhere in the middle of that spectrum. No matter which mom you find yourself to be, deciding whether to homeschool is a HUGE decision and one that should not be taken lightly. There are seemingly 100 different things to consider when making the decision, and if you join a FB group of current homeschoolers, you’ll be faced with 1000 new considerations! In order to not get overwhelmed, try focusing on just these three for now…

ONE:  SOCIALIZATION

How will  your kids receive SOCIALIZATION?

This is such a “hot-button” issue between pro/anti homeschoolers that it seems like a crazy place to start but the reason it is a hot-button issue is because it’s an important one.  SOCIALIZATION {the process by which one acquires a personal identity and learns norms, values, behaviors and social skills} cannot be done in a vacuum or alone at home. Despite what many homeschoolers tend to argue, SOCIALIZATION is a legit concern. Most homeschoolers bristle when somebody {anybody!} asks about SOCIALIZATION for homeschoolers. Personally, the question does not bother me because I believe it is a fair question. Whether you move a child from public school to homeschool or a child’s education begins with homeschool from the start, the fact remains we are removing kids from the automatic, built-in day-to-day social setting that is found in the public school classroom. {Whether that is good or bad SOCIALIZATION, is a different question for another day.} And, unless you’re wanting to homeschool in order to keep your children literal captives at home, you would probably {hopefully!} agree that kids need some sort of SOCIALIZATION.  The GREAT news about homeschooling is that we get to CHOOSE with whom and how they socialize.  So allow yourself to ask the important question… how will your kids receive SOCIALIZATION?

Do your kids already have friends who are not based on their current school setting?

Do you have neighbors who homeschool?

Do you have neighbor kids at all {so your kids can play with them after school}?

Do your kids have cousins in the area?

Do you attend church where your kids have friends?

Do your kids participate in any {non-school related} sports or other activities?

Can you afford to add them to new/additional sports or activities?

Are there any co-ops in your town?

If so, check their rules and bylaws. Would any of those co-ops be a good fit for your family?

If not, would you consider yourself confident and capable enough to start your own co-op?

Does the local library offer any type of activities for HS kids?

If not, do they offer after school activities for all kids?

Do you already possess the necessary transportation to take your kids to/from activities/playdates/etc?

Do you have multiple kids?

If so, will you homeschool all of your kids? Do some of those kids need naps, have busy schedules or require special attention of some sort?

Are your multiple kids close in age? Do they get along? Do they enjoy being together?

Do your kids like loads of social interaction or do they just tend to have one close friend?

How do you feel about your kids having on-line friendships?

How you do feel about your kids being friends with younger kids? Older kids?

Every family will answer those questions somewhat differently. Every situation is unique but remember, the question isn’t “If I choose to homeschool my kids, will  they  receive any SOCIALIZATION?” The question is “How  will they receive that SOCIALIZATION?” I’m a wee bit different in the homeschool world because I only have one kid so any/all SOCIALIZATION occurs when I make plans with other people or take our son to an activity. So, believe me when I say,  if I can provide not just sufficient SOCIALIZATION but also meaningful  SOCIALIZATION for him, then you can too!

TWO: FINANCES

Can you afford to homeschool?

If you are already a SAHM with no income, then this is a much smaller piece of the decision-making puzzle for you. All you need to consider is if your FINANCES can handle buying curriculum and paying for potential outings? 

If you are NOT currently a SAHM, you do need to sit down and do the math on whether you can afford it. Things to consider when looking at your FINANCES…

How much do you make per year?

Can your family afford to lose your income?

Are there ways you can cut things from the budget?

Are you the provider through whom your family’s health insurance is offered?

Do you currently pay childcare while your kids are at work?

Do your kids have any included meals while at public school or childcare now? {because homeschool kids seem to EAT their way through the day!}

Can you afford to buy curriculum?

Can you afford field trips, memberships to museums and whatnot?

If you would still need to bring in some income, what could you do to make that happen?

Are you organized enough to work part time and teach from home too?

Are you focused enough to work from home with your kids doing lessons as well?

Are you driven enough to do it all? And to do it all well?

Only you and your husband can decide whether you can afford homeschooling or not. Asking other homeschool moms can be helpful in terms of identifying any “hidden costs” to homeschooling but, in the end, every situation varies greatly. As far as knowing how much curriculum can cost, you just need to know it can range from basically free to thousands per kid. The best suggestion is to decide how much you want to budget for curriculum, plus how much you want to spend on field trips, classes, etc and then throw in some more for unexpected things. If you decide to homeschool, use that number and stick to it. Adjust it for the next year if you need to. 

THREE:  SUPPORT

Who will SUPPORT you on this journey?

{The SUPPORT of your spouse is a given. If your spouse is not on board with the idea of homeschooling your children, you need to stop reading this and focus on that issue before anything else. Under no circumstances do I suggest that a mom should homeschool without the complete SUPPORT of her husband.}

So, assuming your husband is already on board, who ELSE will SUPPORT you? Because, believe me, you will need it.

Will your parents support you?

In-laws?

Close friends?

Church family?

Grown children?

Neighbors?

Old friends?

On-line friends?

I’ve been very blessed in the sense that our family and friends have been very supportive along our entire HS journey so far. But, I know that is not the case of many, many homeschoolers. I’ve heard of homeschool moms being verbally attacked by their own mothers for ruining their grandchildren. I know moms whose next-door neighbors have called CPS because they homeschool. Friendships have crumbled, families have become estranged and marriages have ended because some moms have opted to keep their kids home and provide their education. Stop now and think of the important people in your lives. If you care what they think, ask yourself if they are likely to SUPPORT your decision to homeschool. If you don’t care what they think, good for you! But, now ask yourself if you are okay doing this alone. {Of course you would have your husband’s SUPPORT but as any SAHM will tell you, you need more than just your man when it comes to the day-to-day grind of being home all day with kids.}

Now, ask yourself what type of SUPPORT will you need?

Do you just need the absence of random people verbally judging?

Or do you need actual phone calls from your mom saying,  “Yay, you! You are amazing and your kids will be fabulous adults some day!”

Do you need physical SUPPORT from friends taking your kids for a day so you can go to the MD, carpooling to activities or swapping subjects to teach one another’s kids?

Are you an introvert and have no desire to make new friends but would be more than happy to join a FB Group with 30, 000 other homeschool moms?

Do you need your old friends to SUPPORT you by validating your friendship through frequent girls-nights-out?

Just like with SOCIALIZATION and FINANCES, the answers to the SUPPORT questions will look different for you than me {or anybody else}. The important thing is that you are honest with yourself as you take each of these things into consideration. It’s a big decision but the time, effort and energy spent will be well worth it!

Three Biggest Challenges of HOMESCHOOLING an ONLY CHILD

by 4 Comments

What comes to mind when somebody says:

“Eight kids. Big van. Family museum passes. Maybe some chickens and a few goats.”

What did that make you think of? A homeschool family, right? Right!

But, as classic as that description might be, I’m pretty sure it’s not actually a picture of the typical  homeschool family.

The typical homeschool family is probably something more like four kids working on their spelling words with two dogs hanging out of the window of a Dodge Grand Caravan while in the drive thru at Chick-fil-A.

Whether the typical homeschool family is the former or the latter, I am not sure.

But what I am sure about is that the typical homeschool family does not look like MINE.

An only child.

One kid.

A lonely only.

NOT the typical homeschool family at all.

Atypical for sure. 

But, it’s who we are.

It’s not who we planned to be. We planned to have more kids but God had other plans so this is who we are.

We are a homeschool family with one kid.

Now, if you are a mom of a cargovan-full of kids, you might imagine that homeschooling one kid has its perks. And you’d be right.  FOR SURE.

{READ OTHER POST “Biggest Perks to Homeschooling an Only Child”}

But today I want to discuss the Three Biggest Challenges of Homeschooling an Only Child. 

ONE: SOCIALIZATION Ya know that infamous concern that some family members, totally random strangers and maybe even your late night brain like to ask us about?

“What about SOCIALIZATION?” 

I know homeschoolers usually make a mockery out of this question. There are loads of memes and tee-shirts touting the fact that socialization is an unwarranted concern regarding homeschooling. 

Truth be told, SOCIALIZATION is a valid CHALLENGE when it comes to homeschooling an only child. 

Any and all SOCIALIZATION needs to be planned before it can happen. Without siblings, there is absolutely no built-in socialization whatsoever. An only child has only parents with whom to

talk with, 

interact with, 

argue with, 

laugh with {and at,}

play with, 

learn from,

be annoyed by,

etc. 

All SOCIALIZATION needs to be planned in advance, put on the calendar and followed-through with. 

If Mom doesn’t have a car or the kid has the sniffles or the weather is dangerous or something else comes up, SOCIALIZATION simply cannot occur that day. 

That is not true for homeschool kids with siblings. No matter what, they have some degree of SOCIALIZATION always built in. Always. They may not want to socialize with their annoying little sister, but the option is always there. 

So, what’s the homeschool mom of an only-child to do?

The way I see it, we have three options:

  1. Allow your child to treat his dog like a sister but that might make his grown-up years a wee bit of a challenge. 
  2.  Ignore the need for socialization and keep your kid at home at all times. But, that will probably make for a challenging adulthood. {The sister-dog is a better option than this.}
  3.  Get out there and put your kid into some social situations! Even if you are a self-admitted introvert yourself, you need to get out there and find ways for your kid to socialize. 

But, it may not be as challenging as you think. Besides the ever-popular playdate, we have a myriad of choices from which to choose, including:

participating in library activities or co-op classes

competing in gymnastics, Tae-Kwon-Do or baseball

joining 4H, Boy Scouts or Heritage Girls

making new friends at the park, museum, splash pad or pool 

being a part of Sunday School, Awana or Youth Group

and so much more!

We need to acknowledge that SOCIALIZATION is definitely a challenge when homeschooling an only child but it is completely and totally within our grasp to find a solution. 

TWO: MANNERS This CHALLENGE ties in directly to SOCIALIZATION but it’s important enough to warrant its own discussion point.

I’ll admit this CHALLENGE has taken a bit of time for our family to address and, if I am being totally transparent, I’d still consider it a problem for my darling only child. 

Think of all of the ways that kids can be IMPOLITE and show a lack of MANNERS… 

cutting in line

shouting out answers

pushing/shoving to stake their place

burping, tooting, sighing

chewing loudly or talking with food in their mouths

not saying, “please,” “thank you” or “you’re welcome“

not greeting people when they enter a room

not providing proper personal space to others

not making eye contact when speaking to another person

mumbling when speaking

not listening when somebody else addressed him/her

and, there are surely a TON MORE!

Any and all of those MANNERS are really rather difficult to hone on your own. Seriously. 

Some might be able to be improved upon with a sister-dog as a stand-in peer. 

Some could be addressed by acting into a mirror. 

But, really, improving on MANNERS is a challenge that needs other people to help solve. 

It requires an adult or two to provide direct instructions but…

and this is where the challenge occurs for lonely only kids…

improving on MANNERS requires at least a peer or two. 

There’s nothing quite like hearing “ewwwww…THAT is soooooooooooooo gross!” to teach your kid that chewing with his mouth open is not a desirable trait in a friend. 

Only a slightly more mature peer can make it perfectly clear that when “excuse me” does not accompany a burp, there may not be a second playdate in the future. {This scenario might make for an embarrassing moment but I’d much rather my child learn it like this than on his first date in college.}

And, as much as we might like to dislike the Alpha Kid on the baseball team,  this probably provides the best opportunity for your child to learn that he needs to stand in line to take his turn at batting practice {as opposed to when he’s 25 and cutting in line at the DMV to renew his license.}

And, though you may despise all things Public School, if your kid can learn to raise his hand to get the teacher’s attention at co-op class, he won’t struggle to attend small group lectures at college. 

If parenting is all about preparing our babies to grow up to be fabulous adults, teaching MANNERS needs to be a part of our parenting plan. 

And if we have chosen to homeschool an ONLY CHILD, then we need to admit that teaching MANNERS will require some creative planning.

But, it’s totally doable. Just take your kids to any of the above suggested social opportunities and allow your child’s peers to help  him practice the MANNERS you’ve tried to teach him. 

THREE: FREE TIME  As most moms of only children will tell you, it can get exhausting, both mentally and physically, to be the only built-in playmate of a small person. With no siblings to fill that role, it’s totally up to a parent to be the de-facto playmate for all FREE TIME time. 

This can be a real struggle for any families with only children but it is even more of a prevalent CHALLENGE in families who homeschool an only child. 

We all know that one of the benefits of homeschooling is that our kids don’t need to sit down and do lessons M-F from 8am to 3pm. My son is most often done with his lessons and chores by 1pm. Yay!

But, then what ? As much as I wish that meant that we go on some sort of exciting four-hour adventure every day, we don’t.

As much as I’d like to say that means he and I play in the backyard for hours on end, I ain’t gonna lie. We don’t.

And as many times as I have planned to buy a Disc Golf set so we could play a daily round on the course that our back gate opens onto, I haven’t bought the set and we’ve never used the course. 

Don’t get me wrong, I do a lot of things with my child besides school. We often put big, elaborate Lego sets together. We enjoy watching silly animal video clips together. We always have a book that we are reading together. We love playing board games as a family, He loves to help me cook and bake. We’re both fairly obsessed with his sister-dog and spend hours each week tossing her balls and frisbees {and on the Disc Golf course no less…so does that count?}

But, let’s be honest.

This Mama needs her FREE TIME too. I need to do my devotionals. I need to plan school.  I need to cook dinner, make the beds, do laundry, vacuum the floors, dust the shelves and scrub the toilets {but, I don’t care what you say, I do NOT need to wash the windows.}

I also need to call the plumber, buy the groceries, make dentist appointments, pick up dry cleaning and return library books. 

Alright, now I need to be totally honest. I also need to

check Instagram, 

dye my hair, 

search for something pointless on Pinterest, 

add the latest Color Street strips to my nails, 

argue with an old high school friend on FaceBook, 

sit and stare into space, 

play Words with Friends, 

text my BFF,

and so much more!

{READ OTHER POST “I’m Certainly Not Doing My Best! Are You?”}

Clearly, I don’t have the ability to fill every moment of FREE TIME that my child has with something educational and exciting. He needs to learn how to manage some of that on his own. This would not be a CHALLENGE  if we allowed him to spend eight hours on electronic devices each day. But, we don’t. 

And, that makes for a serious FREE TIME CHALLENGE. 

So, what’s the Mama of an only homeschooled child to do? 

Besides getting your child involved in the SOCIALIZATION opportunities listed above, we need to provide our lonely only kids with ample supplies to entertain their burgeoning brains. Whether that’s books, art supplies, Legos, puzzles, a bug catching kit, coloring books, outside toys, sidewalk chalk, musical instruments or whatever else depends on the interests of your child. 

It might mean you need to take him to some music classes to spark a new interest or sit with her the first few times she tries to get the hang of  a new craft,  but then you might need to somewhat force the issue. Provide her the materials to use her FREE TIME in a variety of imaginative and creative ways and then make her use it. Give him ample fun and loud items to build up, bang on and knock down in his FREE TIME and then make him take the opportunity to pick them up and do it all over again. 

If you have a kid who hates doing things on her own, you’ll need to put some concerted effort into this but it will be well worth it in the end. It’s a real CHALLENGE but it’s not insurmountable. 

As a matter, of fact, all three of these CHALLENGES might seem daunting and actually spur you towards the local public school’s front desk, but let me tell you…

HOMESCHOOLING an ONLY CHILD {without turning him into an unsocialized, rude freak who cannot do anything on his own} is totally doable. Just look at my kid!

{Before you judge him by his long, blonde locks, Stormtrooper hat and shorts in 30 degree weather, you should know that this was taken on his first day at “work” when he was only 12 years old.}

{READ OTHER POST “ENORMOUS BONUS of HOMESCHOOLING: Structuring Education NOW to Meet Career Goals”}

The Three Biggest PERKS to Homeschooling an ONLY CHILD

by 3 Comments

What are the BIGGEST PERKS to HOMESCHOOLING an ONLY CHILD?

Many of my homeschool friends have GOBS of children and they probably believe that having only one child makes for GOBS of PERKS for this homeschool mama. Truth be told, there don’t seem to be as many perks as it may seem. As a matter of fact, there are several challenges to homeschooling an only child.

{READ OTHER POST “Biggest Challenges of Homeschooling an Only Child”}

But, I won’t deny the fact that there are, in fact, MANY PERKS too! Here are what I consider to be the TOP THREE PERKS to homeschooling an only child.

ONE: INDIVIDUALIZED EDUCATION  This may seem entirely too obvious but there are multiple perks within an INDIVIDUALIZED EDUCATION. 

Besides the fact that I get to spend ALL OF MY TEACHING TIME on my one son,

I also get to spend more time and money CHOOSING the VERY BEST CURRICULA for him. 

I need to deal with only ONE LEARNING STYLE and 

I am able to adjust MY TEACHING STYLE to meet only his needs!

I DON’T HAVE TO WORRY whether it’s legal to make additional copies of workbooks and

I can readily make changes to his lessons whenever I need to.

I need to AGONIZE over ONLY ONE FOREIGN LANGUAGE and

I do NOT HAVE TO TEACH (potentially boring) things MORE THAN ONCE. 

There is only one kid who gets sick so the FREQUENCY OF SICK DAYS IS LOWER and 

I do NOT NEED TO WRANGLE and WRESTLE distracting toddlers. 

I GET TO CATER to only his EXTRA-CURRICULAR ACTIVITIES and 

I even get to HELP HIM WORK TOWARD obtaining his CAREER GOALS NOW!

[READ OTHER POST “ENORMOUS BONUS of HOMESCHOOLING: Structuring Education NOW to Meet Career Goals”}

TWO: EXTRA CLOSE RELATIONSHIP This is a perk for any mom of an only child but it is even more so for the mom who is homeschooling an only child.

Most homeschool moms will claim a HIGHER LEVEL OF CLOSENESS with her kids over the relationships bound by public school hours and stress, but the fact is if you have eight kids, you simply cannot create more time in your day than a mom of one.

The UNIQUE CLOSENESS of a homeschool mom and her only child is simply a natural result of the amount of time spent together compounded by the high quality of those experiences.

THREE: QUALITY TIME As any mom of multiple children will tell you, it’s exhausting to get all of the kids to complete their schooling, naps finished, bodies dressed, snacks packed, potty-needs addressed and everybody in the car in order to make it to co-op class, dentist appointments, the grocery store, park playdates, lunch with Daddy, story time at the library, etc.

But, with one kid, the possibilities of what you can do in one day are nearly endless!

Picnic in the park!

Visit the local museum!

Matinee movie at the theater!

Bike ride around the neighborhood!

Early bird special at a fancy restaurant!

Pitch a tent and take a nap in the backyard!

Hang out at the library before it’s overrun with after-school kids!

Make new friends at the nearest nursing home!

Make a new creation at the pottery place!

Volunteer at the local animal shelter!

Surprise Grandma at her house!

Day trip to the zoo!

As any homeschool mama knows, homeschooling has some of the most beautiful benefits but HOMESCHOOLING AN ONLY CHILD has some perks that can ONLY be found at home with you and your only child. I encourage you to consider it. And if you are looking for support from other homeschool moms of only children, please join this FB Group for support!

(JOIN Lone Wolfe Homeschooling FaceBook Group}