I wish moms would just stop saying, “We’re all just doing our best,” because I’m certainly not! Are you?
I heard it again just yesterday. Or, rather, I SAW it several times in a series of comments in a FaceBook group for homeschooling moms.
“She’s just doing her best,”
“Stop. The Mommy Wars. We’re all doing the best we can.”
“We need to show more support for one another. We’re doing our best!”
And, yet, I wonder, “are we?”
I know for darn certain that I AM NOT.
Sure, I have some uber duber super duper days.
I usually take charge of Monday and own it like a boss.
I’m up early. My lesson plans are all prepped. The kitchen is spotless. The laundry is whirling away. The carpets are vacuumed. The kid is on task. Nobody is yelling or crying. I’m even dressed (including a bra) and actually answer the door when the UPS man arrives. I have meals planned. It’s all good. I AM DOING MY BEST!
But, by Thursday little of that fabulousness remains. No bra. No home-cooked meals. No clean carpets. Those things have been replaced with short tempers from everybody, Hot Pockets for lunch and Hulu in the middle of the day.
I KNOW how to own my days. I KNOW what it means to do my best. I do! I did it on Monday and Tuesday…some weeks I even rock Wednesday too.
So, what happened? It’s not like I forgot. And, truth be told, it’s not like anything changed. I just got tired and, frankly, more than a wee bit lazy. While sitting on the couch in my day pajamas, I will contemplate all I need to do but am NOT doing. I have the time. I have the knowledge. I just don’t have the energy. Or the desire. Or the gumption. I’m not sure what to call it.
Call it whatever you want, but it sure isn’t MY BEST.
Now, I know most moms, ESPECIALLY homeschool moms, have way more on their figurative plates than I do* with more kids and actual jobs but I still wonder if “we’re all just doing our best.” I honestly believe that, for the most part, the truth is we’re not.
WE ARE NOT DOING OUR BEST.
If you rang my doorbell on Thursday at 1:30pm, you’d probably find me braless and drinking coffee with unbrushed teeth and my hair in a blob on my head. You’d find my kid wearing the same clothes that he wore to Youth Group the night before, eating Doritos while watching You Tube on the iPad. There’d be dishes in the sink, cat fur on the carpet and laundry on the kitchen table.
Are any of those things HORRIBLE enough to warrant a call to Child Protective Services. Of course not. But, are they MY BEST?
Good golly, no.
If I actually answered the door and let you in, I’d apologize for the messy everything and you’d brush it off and say, “Oh. It’s fine! You should see MY house. No worries. We’re all just doing our best.” And then we’d laugh and pretend that was true.
But, if that was true, my Thursday would look like my Monday.
If that was true, dry shampoo would not be on an auto order with Amazon.
If that was true, they would not recognize us at the McDonald’s drive-thru.
If that was true, my husband would not need to remind me to put gas in my car before I run out again.
If that was true, I wouldn’t avoid the bathroom scale like I do WalMart on a Sunday.
If that was true, the kid would not have a pile of incomplete school work labeled “Summer Stuff”.
Instead of saying, “You’re just doing your best,” maybe we need to be brave and bold and say, “While you binge watch The Handmaid’s Tale this weekend, why don’t you fold some laundry? Eight piles on the kitchen table really isn’t okay. Everybody, including YOU, will appreciate it.”♥
Or instead of ignoring your child’s rude interruptive behavior at co-op because you’re “just doing your best” and taking a break while chatting with another homeschool mom, you actually break away from the conversation and redirect your child’s behavior.♦
Or perhaps instead of perusing FaceBook for hours each day, you actually sit down and plan some meals. McDonald’s won’t be happy but your husband, bank account and BMI will be.♣
Now, I’m not saying we all need to start openly calling one another out on doing our best. I’m not saying that at all. That would do nothing but ramp up the Mommy Wars and create loads of resentful, angry women.
But, I AM suggesting that we start calling out OURSELVES. Ask yourself, “am I really doing my best?”
And, MAYBE, after your answer is consistently “YES!” you can then broach the subject with your BFF. Maybe.
*{It’s tough to beat how much I have on my literal plate though! I LOVE food!}
♥{True story, basically but with a different series every weekend since I finished Handmaid’s Tale long ago.}
♦{Totally true story except for the days I was teaching co-op because it’s hard to gossip with other moms while teaching a group of kids.}
♣{Oh my! 100% true story but with Freddy’s and Q’Doba mixed in too.}
Too funny and too true. You have a real gift for humor mixed with reality!
Thanks for the kind words….now I should probably get busy. It’s almost 11am on Thursday and I’m still in my pjs and haven’t brushed my teeth!
I have to have mad respect for all the moms out there. Taking care of children is a full time job in itself, so I really don’t have much of an excuse for not getting things done after work. I need to do better at doing my best if I want my blog to grow this year!
Oh, me too FOR SURE!
It’s True! Great take on life!
Thanks! Now I just need to apply it. 😉
You are talking my language! I love this. Personally, I know I can always do better. Great blog.
Thanks for the sweet words. It’s a struggle just to admit that I’m not even close to doing my best. But, it’s true (as I sit here watching SEAL Team on a Thursday afternoon.) 😉
It hurts because it’s the truth! And you know what? Both days are a-ok in my book 😉 Doing your best all the time would be exhausting, but I like the thought of doing a LITTLE better. You’re a great writer!
Yeah, I’d for sure take just a little better too. Maybe someday that will add up to our best.
Great article!
Thanks!
Maybe it actually is doing your best…it is just not perfection! As long as you do what is “right” is what really counts! Great article!
That’s a legit point for sure. But, I can tell you that the way I spent my afternoon was not “right” at all. It was just lazy. Let’s hope tomorrow is better. 😉
Yes!! I am guilty of saying that I’m doing my best, and I’m really not! I find myself being too lazy!
Me too! That’s a hard word to own but I’m finding that it fits all too well. Ouch!
So true! Instead of “I’m doing my best,” I tell myself I’m a work in progress & I hope at some point I can work up to “my best” at least 5 of 7 days a week, lol!
That’s a great way to look at it!
Responsibility, man! I love this post. No I don’t want to fold the laundry. Am I doing my best? No. Am I going to do the laundry? Still no. Am I going to make excuses? No. I’ll just say “I didn’t feel like it” hahaha Thanks for the laugh!
I like that truth! I think I am going to try saying that too, “I just don’t feel like it,” because that’s really what it is. It’s not that I don’t have enough time or the skill set…I just don’t want to do it!
Great post and many awesome points made. Though you are applying this to homeschooling and being a Mom who does it – it applies to many facets of every one’s life. Some weeks I say to my self “I’m doing the best I can” when I’m really not (mostly I’m just feeling entitled and being lazy). My husband will call me out on it occasionally, as I will to him when I get that response. You got this!
Exactly! There is definitely a sense of entitlement that I have too. WE got this!
Haha – the contrast between Monday and Thursday at my house is crazy! Love your sense of humour with this post.
And Friday? Those are my worst days! I’ve basically given up and consider it “normal” to deliver the dog to the groomer wearing pjs and slippers {like I did today.} {That would be me in the pjs and slippers; not the dog. Though that might have been a better option.}
What a fun perspective, full of humor and insights. I LOVE your 50’s style pictures and the captures to go along with them. I really enjoyed reading this.
Thanks! You’re too kind!
Deep, very deep in our hearts we always want to try our best but life and kids get in the way 😄 To me doing our best is to have a loving home for my family and friends. I can definitely do better I think we all can but sometimes is ok to enjoy the craziness of life. Love your post!
Yeah, my “best” is often shoved so deep down that it doesn’t show up for weeks!
Keeping it real AND giving some tough love! I love it!!! Very true.
Sooooooooooooooooo real!
I can totally relate. You bring so much humor to this. It makes me feel better, that I wasn’t alone, but could have done more. I always felt like I am just not doing my best today, especially by the end of a week.
Don’t even ask how I have spent this Friday morning so far….it ain’t pretty!
I love this! It is so true and I love your humor. I had more than one giggle as I am reading this.
I’m glad I could give you a giggle!
We can certainly put a LOT of expectations on ourselves and kill ourselves in the process of trying to meet them all. For me, realizing it’s ok to be lazy every now & then has been a work in progress for sure! On the flip side, realizing when “I’m not doing my best” can also be as much of a challenge! What a refreshing viewpoint…made me chuckle 🙂
I’m glad I could make you chuckle. That’s how I survive every day….laughing at myself. 🙂
I think people don’t really mean “best” in the sense that we are at our best. I think people mean that we are doing whatever we have to do to survive mentally and emotionally. If that means everything isn’t perfect, that’s okay. Maybe we should all be saying we are “surviving” our lives. 😂
True! And some days, I feel like I am barely surviving! {Today would be one of those days as I delivered the dog to a new-to-us groomer while wearing slippers and sleepware at 11am!}
LOL! I love it! Thanks for this I’m the opposite! I come into Mondays kicking and screaming. I’m good on Tuesday and Wednesdays, but by Thursday evening I’m dragging myself into Friday. On Saturday I hope to find some energy for the children’s activities. Thanks for sharing.
I only rock Mondays because I spend all weekend planning how to do it just right….but, that enthusiasm wears off very quickly. 😉
I loved the style of writing! My kids are grown and 1 moved back home. It is interesting how we go through different phases of life. I am at the point of I don’t live to others expectation s of what others think should be a clean house. lol. I chose to do the activities that make me happy. My hubby is on board with that. I look back and I wasted alot of time doing activities instead of quality together time. ex. setting the kid up to color while I did dishes, instead of sitting down with them to actually color.
Thanks! I am sure my perspective will surely change over time as I gain more insight into what is truly important.
That’s all we can do is our best. Do what feel right… great work.
OMG! This could be my life… sort of. The pj’s, McDonalds, the hair, the meals. Except that my week goes the other way. I’m not homeschooling, so having 7 kids home all weekend makes my Mondays look pretty rough. By Wednesdays, the floor is swept and meals are back on track. LOL
We should be friends….except you could only come to my house M-T-W and maybe you’d let me in W-Th-F. That could work!
Haha! This is why I could never homeschool. I would probably lose my patience by Tuesday! But I see your point. Great post!
Well, if you can hold on one more day, you’d be a winner!
I love this post and totally agree. I sometimes think that all of the memes on social media produce a culture that allows us to not do our best. I know when my kids were little and I was homeschooling 4 kids, when I did my best, they did their best. And of course that was always my goal. I didn’t always achieve it, but I was always striving for it. Even now with grown kids and grandkids I push for my best, to fold one more load of laundry before bed, prep a meal, make a call that I don’t want to make, because those now grown eyes are still watching and I want them to see what is possible.
YES! When I do my best, so does my son. But, when I get lazy and uninspired, so does he. Doing our best impacts so many things! Thanks for your feedback!
LOL!! Fun post!! I do believe that the version of our best self is different for each of us and can be different each day. It’s a work in progress – always under construction.
It’s a journey for sure!
I know for sure when I am not doing my best!Haha I dedicate one day a week to allow myself a guilt free low productivity day. Helps keep me on my game the other 6 days!
I agree with you. It is important to find the balance between being good to ourselves and not being lazy hahah…
See – I have to believe I’m doing my best…or I end up feeling like I’m failing my kids in some way (it’s the way I am wired). I accept the fact that I get tired and need a break, but that’s not “not” doing my best. I guess for me, it’s different. I do see myself as a “work in progress,” but I have to believe that I’m still doing the best I can for that particular situation at that particular time. Anything less doesn’t cut it for me personally ~ but that doesn’t mean everything is picture perfect either. I like to think that of others, too, simply because I know life gets tough and we all need grace and understanding. If doing your best that day means taking a mental health day….then you are doing the best you can at that moment for the situation at hand. Funny post and I do love the honesty.
Second post I’ve read dealing with personal responsibility and I APPROVE OF THIS MESSAGE!!!
Thanks!
Maybe instead of saying we are doing our best we just go with we are doing. Doing ok. Doing not ok. Doing nothing. Doing a lot. What a relief if everyone just let go of what life’s supposed to look like and enjoyed the journey, whatever it looks like right now. And if we aren’t enjoying life then that’s a different matter entirely.
Fun post. I homeschooled three kids through 12th grade. I know how the days can go…or not go!
I LIKE that idea! I did pretty well today, though I never showered and almost drove my child to “work” while wearing slippers. And, how fun that you homeschooled three kids. What are they up to now?
You are funny!!! I don’t think anyone expects a perfect housewife in this day and age.
Good thing because I’d surely disappoint!
You’re hilarious and I love this!
Ha ha! Thanks!
We all definitely need an extra push sometimes to keep doing our best! There are kids to raise right and responsibilities to take care of. We can’t just say we are doing our best then go and be lazy. Love this candid reminder.
I love this post. It’s such a different, and real, viewpoint.
Thanks!
This is so true!!! I also think that it is important for kids to see and experience both sides though. How many people are Monday every day? Not many. That’s a pretty big expectation to be put on a kid.
Very true. Believe me, my son won’t be expecting all great days from his future wife….he knows the truth already, thanks to his mom.
so true, sometimes we aren’t doing our best, we are just being lazy, but sometimes we can’t always do our best… even if we should. 🙂 your post had me smiling within thinking how true it is… and feeling convicted to get off my butt and do more!
I love this! Totally made me laugh! There are some days I could stay in my pj’s all day and not do a thing. Do I feel guilty? No way! 🙂
Pfffft. I’m not. The kids are alive, they have eaten today, they have clothes. I’m done.
I can see myself in this so much! Some days are not my best, but we all (usually) make it to the other side ok. But I’m writing this on a Friday morning in the middle of the summer when I’m going to be alone with my children from sun up to sundown. Who knows how this day will go!
It sure is a roller coaster!
This post is so humorous and relatable. I like that you convey that not everyone is perfect and that’s okay. Sometimes moms need a break we can’t all be robots. Great post I felt like I could totally relate.
Thanks for the kind words! I am soooooooooooooooo far off from being a robot, though some days I wish I was!
My kids are grown and I live alone and I am still not doing my best! Thank you for the reminder I could do better. I work full time and my days off are braless unless I have to go somewhere. I do think you should give yourself a break now and then.
Oh, for sure “doing my best” on days when I am home will NEVER include a bra. Bras are evil. 😉
Thank you for writing this. I certainly didn’t want to be the one who said it out loud! Haha! It’s a pretty thought provoking post tho, and a little bit of a challenge. I like it. And I will TRY to call myself out more, and do better. At least Monday through Wednesday. 😉
Thanks! I took awhile for me to have the courage to say it, but as I was writing it, I realized I was really talking to myself so that made it 1000 times easier to post!
Love it!
The honesty is refreshing and makes you so relatable. Best of all, I love that this isn’t a judgement directed at other moms and it’s really a light-hearted way of telling people to take a look at themselves.
Oh indeed! This is all about me looking at me. And, if it causes you to look at yourself, more power to you! But, I have enough to worry about with my own mess! Much love for reading!
I love this! It’s so true, and one of the reasons why I started a blog. I’m not perfect, but I’m hoping to at least stay more consistent with doing better for my kids.
Good for you! I need to be better about my blog for sure! Good luck to both of us!