What comes to mind when somebody says:
“Eight kids. Big van. Family museum passes. Maybe some chickens and a few goats.”
What did that make you think of? A homeschool family, right? Right!
But, as classic as that description might be, I’m pretty sure it’s not actually a picture of the typical homeschool family.
The typical homeschool family is probably something more like four kids working on their spelling words with two dogs hanging out of the window of a Dodge Grand Caravan while in the drive thru at Chick-fil-A.
Whether the typical homeschool family is the former or the latter, I am not sure.
But what I am sure about is that the typical homeschool family does not look like MINE.
An only child.
One kid.
A lonely only.
NOT the typical homeschool family at all.
Atypical for sure.
But, it’s who we are.
It’s not who we planned to be. We planned to have more kids but God had other plans so this is who we are.
We are a homeschool family with one kid.
Now, if you are a mom of a cargovan-full of kids, you might imagine that homeschooling one kid has its perks. And you’d be right. FOR SURE.
{READ OTHER POST “Biggest Perks to Homeschooling an Only Child”}
But today I want to discuss the Three Biggest Challenges of Homeschooling an Only Child.
ONE: SOCIALIZATION Ya know that infamous concern that some family members, totally random strangers and maybe even your late night brain like to ask us about?
“What about SOCIALIZATION?”
I know homeschoolers usually make a mockery out of this question. There are loads of memes and tee-shirts touting the fact that socialization is an unwarranted concern regarding homeschooling.
Truth be told, SOCIALIZATION is a valid CHALLENGE when it comes to homeschooling an only child.
Any and all SOCIALIZATION needs to be planned before it can happen. Without siblings, there is absolutely no built-in socialization whatsoever. An only child has only parents with whom to
talk with,
interact with,
argue with,
laugh with {and at,}
play with,
learn from,
be annoyed by,
etc.
All SOCIALIZATION needs to be planned in advance, put on the calendar and followed-through with.
If Mom doesn’t have a car or the kid has the sniffles or the weather is dangerous or something else comes up, SOCIALIZATION simply cannot occur that day.
That is not true for homeschool kids with siblings. No matter what, they have some degree of SOCIALIZATION always built in. Always. They may not want to socialize with their annoying little sister, but the option is always there.
So, what’s the homeschool mom of an only-child to do?
The way I see it, we have three options:
- Allow your child to treat his dog like a sister but that might make his grown-up years a wee bit of a challenge.
- Ignore the need for socialization and keep your kid at home at all times. But, that will probably make for a challenging adulthood. {The sister-dog is a better option than this.}
- Get out there and put your kid into some social situations! Even if you are a self-admitted introvert yourself, you need to get out there and find ways for your kid to socialize.
But, it may not be as challenging as you think. Besides the ever-popular playdate, we have a myriad of choices from which to choose, including:
participating in library activities or co-op classes
competing in gymnastics, Tae-Kwon-Do or baseball
joining 4H, Boy Scouts or Heritage Girls
making new friends at the park, museum, splash pad or pool
being a part of Sunday School, Awana or Youth Group
and so much more!
We need to acknowledge that SOCIALIZATION is definitely a challenge when homeschooling an only child but it is completely and totally within our grasp to find a solution.
TWO: MANNERS This CHALLENGE ties in directly to SOCIALIZATION but it’s important enough to warrant its own discussion point.
I’ll admit this CHALLENGE has taken a bit of time for our family to address and, if I am being totally transparent, I’d still consider it a problem for my darling only child.
Think of all of the ways that kids can be IMPOLITE and show a lack of MANNERS…
cutting in line
shouting out answers
pushing/shoving to stake their place
burping, tooting, sighing
chewing loudly or talking with food in their mouths
not saying, “please,” “thank you” or “you’re welcome“
not greeting people when they enter a room
not providing proper personal space to others
not making eye contact when speaking to another person
mumbling when speaking
not listening when somebody else addressed him/her
and, there are surely a TON MORE!
Any and all of those MANNERS are really rather difficult to hone on your own. Seriously.
Some might be able to be improved upon with a sister-dog as a stand-in peer.
Some could be addressed by acting into a mirror.
But, really, improving on MANNERS is a challenge that needs other people to help solve.
It requires an adult or two to provide direct instructions but…
and this is where the challenge occurs for lonely only kids…
improving on MANNERS requires at least a peer or two.
There’s nothing quite like hearing “ewwwww…THAT is soooooooooooooo gross!” to teach your kid that chewing with his mouth open is not a desirable trait in a friend.
Only a slightly more mature peer can make it perfectly clear that when “excuse me” does not accompany a burp, there may not be a second playdate in the future. {This scenario might make for an embarrassing moment but I’d much rather my child learn it like this than on his first date in college.}
And, as much as we might like to dislike the Alpha Kid on the baseball team, this probably provides the best opportunity for your child to learn that he needs to stand in line to take his turn at batting practice {as opposed to when he’s 25 and cutting in line at the DMV to renew his license.}
And, though you may despise all things Public School, if your kid can learn to raise his hand to get the teacher’s attention at co-op class, he won’t struggle to attend small group lectures at college.
If parenting is all about preparing our babies to grow up to be fabulous adults, teaching MANNERS needs to be a part of our parenting plan.
And if we have chosen to homeschool an ONLY CHILD, then we need to admit that teaching MANNERS will require some creative planning.
But, it’s totally doable. Just take your kids to any of the above suggested social opportunities and allow your child’s peers to help him practice the MANNERS you’ve tried to teach him.
THREE: FREE TIME As most moms of only children will tell you, it can get exhausting, both mentally and physically, to be the only built-in playmate of a small person. With no siblings to fill that role, it’s totally up to a parent to be the de-facto playmate for all FREE TIME time.
This can be a real struggle for any families with only children but it is even more of a prevalent CHALLENGE in families who homeschool an only child.
We all know that one of the benefits of homeschooling is that our kids don’t need to sit down and do lessons M-F from 8am to 3pm. My son is most often done with his lessons and chores by 1pm. Yay!
But, then what ? As much as I wish that meant that we go on some sort of exciting four-hour adventure every day, we don’t.
As much as I’d like to say that means he and I play in the backyard for hours on end, I ain’t gonna lie. We don’t.
And as many times as I have planned to buy a Disc Golf set so we could play a daily round on the course that our back gate opens onto, I haven’t bought the set and we’ve never used the course.
Don’t get me wrong, I do a lot of things with my child besides school. We often put big, elaborate Lego sets together. We enjoy watching silly animal video clips together. We always have a book that we are reading together. We love playing board games as a family, He loves to help me cook and bake. We’re both fairly obsessed with his sister-dog and spend hours each week tossing her balls and frisbees {and on the Disc Golf course no less…so does that count?}
But, let’s be honest.
This Mama needs her FREE TIME too. I need to do my devotionals. I need to plan school. I need to cook dinner, make the beds, do laundry, vacuum the floors, dust the shelves and scrub the toilets {but, I don’t care what you say, I do NOT need to wash the windows.}
I also need to call the plumber, buy the groceries, make dentist appointments, pick up dry cleaning and return library books.
Alright, now I need to be totally honest. I also need to
check Instagram,
dye my hair,
search for something pointless on Pinterest,
add the latest Color Street strips to my nails,
argue with an old high school friend on FaceBook,
sit and stare into space,
play Words with Friends,
text my BFF,
and so much more!
{READ OTHER POST “I’m Certainly Not Doing My Best! Are You?”}
Clearly, I don’t have the ability to fill every moment of FREE TIME that my child has with something educational and exciting. He needs to learn how to manage some of that on his own. This would not be a CHALLENGE if we allowed him to spend eight hours on electronic devices each day. But, we don’t.
And, that makes for a serious FREE TIME CHALLENGE.
So, what’s the Mama of an only homeschooled child to do?
Besides getting your child involved in the SOCIALIZATION opportunities listed above, we need to provide our lonely only kids with ample supplies to entertain their burgeoning brains. Whether that’s books, art supplies, Legos, puzzles, a bug catching kit, coloring books, outside toys, sidewalk chalk, musical instruments or whatever else depends on the interests of your child.
It might mean you need to take him to some music classes to spark a new interest or sit with her the first few times she tries to get the hang of a new craft, but then you might need to somewhat force the issue. Provide her the materials to use her FREE TIME in a variety of imaginative and creative ways and then make her use it. Give him ample fun and loud items to build up, bang on and knock down in his FREE TIME and then make him take the opportunity to pick them up and do it all over again.
If you have a kid who hates doing things on her own, you’ll need to put some concerted effort into this but it will be well worth it in the end. It’s a real CHALLENGE but it’s not insurmountable.
As a matter, of fact, all three of these CHALLENGES might seem daunting and actually spur you towards the local public school’s front desk, but let me tell you…
HOMESCHOOLING an ONLY CHILD {without turning him into an unsocialized, rude freak who cannot do anything on his own} is totally doable. Just look at my kid!
{Before you judge him by his long, blonde locks, Stormtrooper hat and shorts in 30 degree weather, you should know that this was taken on his first day at “work” when he was only 12 years old.}
{READ OTHER POST “ENORMOUS BONUS of HOMESCHOOLING: Structuring Education NOW to Meet Career Goals”}
